Yuri Nesterenko

				 God, give me memory...
					Prayer of the soviet programmer

     Main program to the malloc function:
     Request for providing allocation of 257 KB of Conventional Memory.

     Malloc function to the operational system:
     Request for providing allocation of  257 KB  of Conventional Memory
because of production necessity.

     Operational system to the main program:
     Providing of  257 KB of Conventional Memory is not possible because
of it's absence. There's 3 megs of Extended. Do you want it?

     Main program to the exception handler:
     Lapse of memory allocation. :( What shall we do?

     Exception handler to the optimization procedure:
     We  should obtain spare  memory through using system resources more
rationally.

     Interruption controller to the interruption handler:
     That's, eh... user has pressed a button...

     Main program to the interruption handler:
     Don’t panic! He will release it soon.

     Optimization procedure to the exception handler:
     Finished!

     Main program to the exception handler:
     What's now?

     Exception handler to the main program:
     It's even worse. Maybe, we should initiate a disk swap?

     Main program to HDD:
     Request for accepting a deposit of 257 KB in a swap-file

     HDD to the main program:
     Your  request  can  not  be  fulfilled because free  space  is  not
available.

     Main program to the operational system:
     What the bug is that? It must be some free space there!

     HDD to the main program:
     Not a bug.  You haven't yet took the last 4 megs swap-file. And, by
the way, I'm not elastic. Not even using a stacker program.

     Interruption controller to the interruption handler:
     That's, eh... user is pressing a button here... again...

     Interruption handler to PC speaker:
     Say something, get rid of him!

     PC speaker to the user:
     Beep!

     Main program to the operational system:
     Maybe we can redistribute something in memory?

     Operational system to the main program:
     Other  programs need  memory too.  Do  you  really want  a  General
Protection Error?

     Main program to the hack function:
     Now,  find out who ate all the memory and throw those motherhackers
away!

     Interruption controller to the interruption handler:
     That's, eh... user is pressing Ctrl-Alt-Del!

     Main program to the interruption handler:
     Lock  the  keyboard for  that  wimp!  We  have  some critical tasks
here...

     Hack function to the main program:
     Ready! A piece of cake!

     Main program to the operational system:
     What's now? How much memory is free?

     Operational system to the main program:
     320 Conventional and... oh, but where is Extended Memory Manager?

     Main program to the hack function:
     What have you done, rascal?

     Hack function to the main program:
     But what have I done???  You said "throw them away" so I threw them
away!

     Malloc function to the operational system:
     Request for providing allocation of  257 KB  of Conventional Memory
because of production necessity.

     Operational system to the main program:
     I  can't.  I  had  some  important data in  the  high memory.  And,
generally speaking, I'll soon hang myself with all of you!

     Reset button to CPU:
     Guess what? Game over, morons!

     ... COLD REBOOT...

     Autoexec.bat to the main program:
     So, where have we finished last time?

(c)  Yuri  Nesterenko
http://yun.complife.ru
Translated by  Yuriy Lapitskiy, 2004
http://yuriybrisk.narod.ru