Yuri Nesterenko If "Titanic" would have been completed a 100 years later... Timer: Hey, Radar! Radar: All is clear. If something will happen, I'll give a whistle. Timer: Flush your cache and look on the sea! Radar: Oh, shi-i-it... Iceberg is straight ahead! Distance - 3 miles! Timer: All right, all right, don't shout... We have some time. Anyway, your timings were developed by Microsoft, not by some cobblers... Hey there, on the bridge! Autopilot: What? Radar: Iceberg is straight ahead! Distance - 2.99 miles! Autopilot: So what? Radar: Change the course, of course! Autopilot: My work is to stay on the present course. You should ask the navigation module to change it. OK, I'll ask 'im. Hey, navigator! Power Manager: Don't shout. They're sleeping. Autopilot: So wake 'em up NOW! Power Manager: Activate all tasks! And don't gather a mob on the System Bus, let the others to load! Navigation Module: Zzzz... Zzzz... Oh! Eh? What? Arrived? Wait while loading... Timer: ... Navigation Module: Why? We have more than three thousands miles to go. Radar: Iceberg is straight ahead! Distance - 2.7 miles! Navigation Module: What iceberg-wiseberg?!. There is no icebergs in that region according to my map. Radar: But it's there! Navigation Module: Maybe it's just a noise. By the by, do you know our tonnage? We can't respond to all the noises, 'cause it's hard to turn such a huge piece of steel all the way... I'll better ask the satellite. Hey, up there! NavSat: Don't bawl, I'm not deaf. What do you want? Navigation module: Are there an iceberg in front of us? NavSat: How could I know? I see nothing from here. Get rid of the clouds and then ask. Radar: Distance - 2.5 miles! Navigation module: Hmm... What a stable noise... Will be better to avoid it. Counting the manoeuvre... Scheduler: Autoupdate, your turn. Autoupdate: Hello, friends! And this is me again - cheerful Autoupdate! And what does that mean?.. Yes! We will download last updates! Navigation module: Hey, get out! We have a lot of work to do! Autoupdate: I don't know that, all the questions to the Scheduler. Timer: ... Autoupdate: Update complete! Bye-bye! Navigation module: Starboard the helm! Three points! Radar: Distance - 2 miles! Navigation module: Oh, shit! While this idiot was loading his updates my computations became out of date. Renewing... Wait, but why is it so close? According to my data it must be further! Still, it can be a mistake... Task manager: System test, examine it, please. System test: Well, well, well, boy... What's your complaints? Memory manager: STOP! WAIT SIGNAL TO ALL TASKS!!! All: Eh? What's for? Memory manager: Memory is full. Disk swapping has started. Timer: ... System test: All is O.K. here. I really don't know, but i suppose that Central Propelling Unit frequency is raised, so the velocity... Navigation module: Stupid overclockers! I can't bear it! Radar: Distance - 1.5 miles! Navigation module: Damn, now we have no time to change the course! Expert system, what is to be done? Expert system: Oh dear! Pirates! Navigation module: We are not pirates, but a Blue Star passenger liner "Titanic"! Expert system: All of you, boys, always presenting yourselves as titanics, but in deeds you are not... Let's see your configuration... Aha! Indeed! There's a difference in the ninth byte of the key. I'm not going to tell you anything, 'cause you are malicious pirates! Task manager: No, silly, we just have downloaded some hot updates! Expert system: I'm not a fool as you want! As a fair girl, I'll deal with you only after the registration! But, nevertheless, I'll load in the demo mode... Navigation module: Iceberg is in a mile on our course. What shall we do?! Expert system: You have two options: to turn or not to turn. If not - you'll smash the nose. If yes - you have another two choices: to pass by or to cut the board. With a damaged board you'll have two variants: to sink or not to sink. There's nothing I'll tell you more, pirates! Navigation module: Larboard the helm!... Scheduler: Mediacenter, your turn. Navigation module: Flank speed backwards! Mediacenter: Good evening, my dear friends! System: Fatal error in kernel caused by MEDIACENTER.DLL Mediacenter: Oh dear! Why is it so dark here? Hey! Any survivors? Anybody? Task manager: Well, I'm alive. Mediacenter: What's going here? Task manager: We're crashing into an iceberg. Mediacenter: And what shall I do? Task manager: Play some light music to the passengers. (C) Yuri Nesterenko, 2003 http://yun.complife.ru Translated by Yuriy Lapitskiy, 2004 http://yuriybrisk.narod.ru/